How do I handle my twin toddler’s anger?
Anne edited the following
Q&A: How do I handle my twin toddler’s anger?
I have boy/girl 19 mo old twins. I always thought that twins shared a special bond, but now I’m starting to wonder. My son has been the needier of the two since they’ve been born. He has needed constant something, whether it is a bottle, being held, etc. My daughter has been the more independent of the two. She keeps herself occupied, whereas my son feels the need for constant entertainment. He wants undivided attention 24/7. When he sees my daughter being shown attention, he sometimes attempts to hit her or he’ll throw himself on the floor and bang his head. I’m torn about what to do about it. I sometimes think for her protection, I’ll constantly be at his beckon call, but then I think I can’t neglect her because of his insecurities. Since they’ve been born, neither one has attempted to play with the other. They act like the other is just another object in the room rather than another toddler or buddy. For the first time since they’ve been born, their dad was away from the home for 1 week working out of town. My son displayed a bit of hostility while he was gone, but NOTHING like he has since his dad came home. His behavior has been HORRIBLE. If he can’t have what he wants, or is corrected for something, he throws himself back, bangs his head, throws toys, or attempts to hit or bite whomever is near him. Yesterday he and his sister were sitting with me on the couch; her next to me and him in front of me (I was lying down) and he attempted to grab a toy that she had. He takes everything away from her. Whether it’s a toy, bottle, cup of juice, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, I grabbed his hand and told him “no, Brianna is playing with that, you’re not taking it.” Right then he threw his head back very hard right into my face and hit my bone around my eye socket. Today it’s swollen and purple. It’s gotten so unbearable; I don’t know what to do. His dad was home for the weekend, but left again today (Sunday), until Wednesday, then he’ll be home for a long time. This job was just a 1 or 2 time opportunity to make some extra money, which we desperately need. To make things worse, we live in a very small duplex and it’s over-crowded with no where to put anything. So to keep the kids safe, I have a gate up between the living room and kitchen, which keeps them in the living room. I hate keeping them in there like caged animals, but there’s too much for them to get in to and potentially get hurt by in the kitchen and down the hall where there are stairs to the basement. My son has also started throwing his “fits” whenever me or his dad cross the gate. I can’t even use the bathroom without him throwing a fit, but I refuse to take him with me, in attempt to teach him that there are things that I need to do on the other side of the gate, but I’ll be back. My pc is in the kitchen which is 100% visible from the living room. The minute I sit down at my desk, it starts all over again. Now I know my children have needs and I make sure they are met. Food, diaper change, attention, etc, etc. But I currently do NOT work outside the home, nor do I go anywhere to hang out without my kids. My pc and the time I spend on it is my only form of entertainment and communication with the outside world, and I feel like I’m entitled to that as long as it’s not neglecting the children’s needs; which it is not. I’m about at my wits end as how to handle my sons’ behavior. I started out telling him in a cool calm voice: “no, don’t hit your head.” That didn’t work, so I got stern with him and said it again. For the first time today, I actually yelled at him and took the toy he kept throwing and threw it outside. I set him in the chair and walked away. He kept screaming and crying so I grabbed him and put him to bed. As of now, he’s been in there about 15 mins and he’s still whining, crying, & screaming periodically. He’ll be quite for a minute or two, then start again. Does anybody have ANY advice or suggestions as to what I need to do? Please reply if you do. TY
Stacy
The following is the answer:
Answer by Lel
First of all it’s completely normal for them to treat each other as an object rather than a play mate. It’s their age and nothing else. Second, little boys are more likely to be really clingy etc. than little girls, so that’s normal too.
Just try and pay equal attention to them. When your son has a tantrum, make sure he’s in a safe place and won’t hit anything and walk away. It’s extremely unlikely he’ll hit his head hard enough to hurt himself. If, after you’ve shown for awhile that him banging his head is not going to get any reaction from you, and he’s still doing, maybe take him to the doctor and they can suggest something else. But walking away usually works cause they’re doing it for attention.
And when he takes away his sisters toy or hits her, turn your back to him and pay a lot of attention to her, so he can see that bahaviour won’t get him any attention.
On the other hand, put him in situation where he can play nicely alone or with her and praise them both heaps when it all goes well.
Good luck
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